10 weeks 3 days

It is week 10! Only 30 to go... ha ha. This week we decided to tell some people about the pregnancy. Hieu broke the news to his family and I let me younger sister and brother in on the secret, as well as my housemates. I will tell my older sister and parents during Thanksgiving as previously planned, and then slowly leak out the news to our friends/acquaintances. Hieu will not be able to be there due to work. :( It was very difficult for me to start sharing our well-hidden secret, but hopefully by next week I will be more comfortable with the idea of HAVING A BABY and not be so nervous to tell my parents. So far everyone seems to be supportive, shocked, but somewhat delighted with the idea of having a new baby around. Hieu and I are still discussing what our living arrangement is going to be. We haven't decided to get married... yet... so I am hesitant to move in with him before there is that deeper level of commitment and sanctity. It will be difficult if we continue living separately though because he will not be able to see me (and the baby when he/she comes) as often as we would like and will not be as available to help out. We still have time to keep weighing our options, so we are not going to rush into making a decision prematurely. Well my pregnancy symptoms remain unchanged from last week. Nausea is worse and even threw up once this past week. I am still severely exhausted, which makes it very hard to get anything done. I really hope that I can start enjoying food and gain an appetite soon, I am still at 129 pounds. Somehow I am supposed to gain 25 pounds in the next 30 weeks... the nausea needs to stop soon for this to be possible! I have been taking Vitamin D supplements and will soon be taking cod liver oil supplements for omega-3 DHA, in addition to my prenatal vitamin. Hmm it would've been much easier just to take the stupid birth control pill... but here we are! I think that I am finally feeling the effect of the extra hormones on my mood and emotions. I am still somewhat ambivalent about having a baby and hope that I become more excited soon. Once it becomes more obvious that there is actually a baby living in my belly, not just a parasite making me sick and tired everyday, then I think my feelings should change a bit. I have always wanted to be a mother and having a family has always been a major goal in my life. I did not picture it happening like this however. I did not realize that the words "morning sickness" actually had meaning behind them of feeling horrible everyday, every hour, that are also associated with strong emotional struggle and loss of self identity when you can know longer function the way you used to. My productivity has decreased from about 150% to 25%, this is staggering and unacceptable to me, but there is nothing I can do about it except wait it out. Anyway, if you are still reading this, thanks for listening. Who reads this besides Hieu and I anyway? I am sure that the picture of my unchanged belly has not attracted viewers, neither the long drawn out complaints of my symptoms. But this is what matters to us at this stage, and after all, this blog is for us! :)